I always wanted to share something about myself with you—about my life, my dreams, and the struggles I have lived through up to this day.
In society, we often hear the stories of two kinds of people: those who are extremely successful, and those who are living through exceptionally harsh circumstances. But between these two extremes, a very large segment of society often remains invisible—the middle class.
And when I talk about the middle class here, I don’t just mean economic status. I am talking about those middle-class girls who are caught every single day between their own dreams and their family’s responsibilities. They endure so much, but their stories rarely come to light.
Please don’t misunderstand me as trying to blame boys or men by only talking about girls or women here. I am simply sharing what I have seen, felt, and endured in my own life. Perhaps my story will remind someone else of a chapter from their own life.
Today, I am around 27 years old, but by this age, I have seen and suffered a great deal. Today, I am laying a piece of that life right before you.
I am a girl who was entangled in household responsibilities starting at just 15 years old. At an age when a child should be dreaming about her future, I was handed the responsibility of running a household.
Then, at 17, the responsibility of an eighteen-month-old child was added to my shoulders. While other kids my age were thinking about their careers, living the college life, spending time with friends, and shaping their dreams, I was trapped between household chores and caring for a baby.
I wanted to study too. I wanted to fulfill my dreams too. I wanted to fly too. But something happened to me, as if someone said—
“You can fly, but we will keep your wings with us.”
Back then, I was too innocent. I probably didn’t even understand what was happening to me. Whatever I was told to do, I kept doing. And in doing so, nearly ten years of my life slipped away.
It’s not that I did nothing during these years. I studied, gave competitive exams, and kept trying to make my dreams come true. In some exams, I missed by just one or two marks; in others, after passing the written exam, I was eliminated in the physical test.
Every failure slowly chipped away at something inside me. I began to feel mentally exhausted. Many times, it felt as though I wasn’t meant for dreams at all. Gradually, I fell into a cycle of heavy overthinking and went through a severe mental phase.
But then came that familiar ultimatum that girls in middle-class families so often face—
In many middle-class families in India, a government job is not considered just a job. It is tied to stability, security, and social respect. At the same time, a daughter’s marriage is often treated as the family’s next big liability.
Yet, I don’t understand why society constantly presents girls with only these two choices. For boys, along with government jobs, doors to private jobs, businesses, or independent ventures are also wide open. But in many families, a girl’s options remain severely limited. I know that today many girls are taking up private jobs, running businesses, and standing on their own feet. Yes, change is happening.
However, even today, in many small towns and villages, the situation is far from easy. If a girl chooses a different path from her family to build her career, her very character is often questioned. And perhaps that is where the struggle of a middle-class girl is most visible.
Because in many middle-class families, the burden of societal “honor” is extremely heavy. Many families fear what people will say if their daughter chooses her career on her own terms, starts making her own decisions, or tries to live life her own way. Out of this fear, a girl’s life choices are often decided for her in advance.
Many girls don’t even get the chance to study past the 12th grade before marriage discussions begin. And if they do get a chance to study or work, it comes with strings and conditions attached—
“If you don’t get a job, we will get you married off.”
However, marriage didn’t happen to me that early. You might wonder how I remained unmarried up to the age of 27. The truth is, my marriage could have happened much earlier too. But my family’s circumstances were such that if I had been married off then, who would have shouldered the household and child care responsibilities?
My sister-in-law has a government job. Someone was needed at home to look after her child. In that scenario, either I had to take care of the child or my mother, alongside all the other household chores. Therefore, marriage in my life wasn’t just about marriage; it was tied to a web of responsibilities.
About two years ago, my family became ready for my marriage. But I refused. I only said—
“Please give me a little time, at least once, to fulfill my dreams.”
I was given a period of two years. But that wasn’t a time where I could fully focus on my studies and career. Household duties were still there. Even so, I kept up with my self-study and kept trying for my dreams.
One of my most important exams was on July 27, 2025. I felt that this might be the path through which I could change my life. Perhaps I would get a government job and finally stand on my own feet.
But life had written something else for me. In June, my mother fell ill. Medical tests revealed that she had stage 3 ovarian cancer.
That single piece of news completely shattered my world. On one side was my career, and on the other was my mother. It felt as if life had suddenly come to a halt. Nothing was left inside me; I couldn’t remember my dreams, nor did I have the will to think about the future. Sleep abandoned my nights.
I didn’t even have friends to sit down with and pour my heart out. Who could I tell what was going on in my mind, what I wanted to do, and where my life was heading?
For my mother, too, this news was devastating. When she learned about her illness, she was deeply distressed. For about a month, she hardly spoke to anyone and often cried.
And in that moment, I pushed my own pain aside. I kept trying to pull my mother out of that state. I would explain to her that she needed to stay strong, keep her willpower intact, and try to keep her mind happy. Every single day, I kept reassuring her.
But amidst all of this, I had left my dreams far behind. Yet, my dreams hadn’t died.
I want to start my own business. I want to build my own brand. You might think that if I wanted to do business all along, why was I preparing for a government job?
Because my options were limited. I thought that first, I should secure a government job and stand firmly on my own feet. Only then would I start my business. It was with this exact hope that I endured everything for so many years.
I used to think—
“This will be my last exam. After this, perhaps my life will change.”
But life chose a different path once again. Today, I am writing all of this because I feel it is time for me to break out. I need to be free. I want to shatter the chains in which I have been entangled for the past ten years.
And now, talk of my marriage has started in the house once again. Prospective grooms are being seen. But I do not want to get married—at least not right now. Because the responsibilities that come with marriage are the very ones I have been carrying for the past ten years, whether it is household management or child care.
Now, I need to be free. Now, I want to live for my dreams. I don’t want to live a life where every single decision is made merely out of fear of what society will say.
Perhaps I am starting to grow resentful of this societal framework—of that hypocrisy where a daughter or sister is married off without anyone ever asking for her consent, just to fulfill a “duty.” Why doesn’t anyone ever ask what that girl actually wants? Does she want to study? Does she want a job? Does she want to start a business? Does she want to stand on her own feet? Why is she always viewed as needing a crutch simply because she is a girl? Why can’t she stand on her own feet?
I believe there are many girls like me who fight this system every single day. Some cannot speak up. Some are living with their dreams crushed inside them. And some are probably still wondering whether the right to choose for themselves will ever arrive in their lifetimes.
To all those girls, I just want to say this—
Never let your dreams die.
The path may be long.
You may have to endure a lot.
You may feel many times like your wings have been clipped.
But if the urge to fly still lives inside you, your story is far from over.
I want to fly too. I need to fly. And I believe that one day, I will soar into the sky.
Perhaps my voice is very faint right now. But I want the voice that has been suppressed for so many years to rise a little higher. Perhaps it can reach the ears of this deaf society.
And perhaps, together, we can try to build a world where no girl is ever forced to choose between her dreams and her family.
Perhaps you can see yourself in this. Perhaps you will feel that somewhere inside you, an “Ashini”is hidden too.