I don’t know why, but today I suddenly felt as if I were walking on two paths simultaneously. Sometimes I want to speak up, other times I want to remain silent; I cannot even understand what I truly want. But what is the point of knowing what I want? I will only do what society expects of me, or what my own people want me to do. Caught in these thoughts, I didn’t even realize how the day slipped away.
Later, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I am not alone. I saw two people in the reflection: the one I truly am, and the one created by the pressures of society and family. That’s when I understood that I am living a dual life. I realized that my true self is lost, and the person everyone else sees isn’t really me. I don’t know why I feel like I am living, yet I am not truly there. This double journey is becoming suffocating, and I don’t know how long I can sustain it. But one thing is clear: those who try to ride two boats always sink. I know that if I don’t choose one path, my boat will soon drown.
The question now is—which path should I choose? The one I am, or the one I have been molded into? Why is it so difficult to stand up for oneself? Why do we always choose shackles, whether out of free will or under pressure? We end up building a cage for ourselves.
Lack of Self-Confidence
I asked myself, “Look at yourself—who are you? Is this really you, or something else?” The reflection replied, “I am who I am, but the one asking the question is someone else.” And if I were to ask that voice, “Who are you?” it would say, “I am broken dreams, a scattered character, and lost self-confidence.”
Why do I lack this confidence? Why do we always need a crutch? A crutch is only needed by those who lack faith in themselves—those who always need a finger to hold onto to navigate their journey. But such people don’t really live for long; they have already died from within; only their physical bodies remain. This isn’t just my story; it is the story of every girl who is forced into this dual journey by circumstance.
Why are we not given the basic right to decide which path we want to take? Is this what life is? Is this why we came into this world? A world so vast and beautiful that we might leave without ever seeing it. We don’t even realize that beyond where we stand, there is a beautiful world worth seeing and learning from. Yet, our life’s boundaries are predetermined. We aren’t even aware that something else exists. If we ever found that path, we might not belong to anyone anymore; we could walk on our own. We wouldn’t need anyone’s support. But we are kept away from these valuable, precious things. We are so shackled by trivialities that we cannot even look up to see what lies beyond.
Attachment to Trivialities
Why do we love these trivial things so much? Why do they become so valuable to us? Why do we sacrifice our lives and our freedom for them? I found the answer: we are told that these things are so valuable that we must trade our freedom to attain them. And the ones telling us this are our own people, so we believe them. We sacrifice our freedom for these trifles because we are never told that there are things in this world far more precious. If we found them, our entire perspective would change—we wouldn’t be under pressure, we wouldn’t fear anyone, and we wouldn’t bow down to anyone. That is why these trivial things are made to seem so precious, so that we never think of seeking what is truly valuable.
We must understand and realize what is necessary for us and what is holding us back. This was not the person society created speaking, but the one who is truly me. She must understand that she needs to choose one path—a path that is her own, one of self-reflection, self-awareness, and her true identity, not an identity born from external pressure. Fight for yourself. If you don’t fight, if you don’t stand up, you will always be trapped in a fake identity and a limited journey. You will never reach your true destination.
Seek yourself and meet the person who is your own best friend. Find your true identity.