Evening tea, family gathered around, chatter floating through the room. Suddenly, the spotlight shifts to me, turning into a discussion about my future—what I should do next, what I should study, whether I should get married, or if I need a trip somewhere.
But one thing left me deep in thought.
The entire conversation was about my life, yet not a single person bothered to ask what I actually want to do. What I want to become. What I want to study. Whether I even want to travel, or if marriage is what I truly want.
This wasn’t the first time it happened. It’s happened countless times before. The only difference is that back then, perhaps I didn’t understand it this way, or I never looked at it through the lens that we, too, have the right to make our own choices.
And that sparked a question in my mind: Are our choices ever truly our own?
Ever since childhood, we are told that securing a government job earns you respect in society’s eyes. So, we end up deciding that we want a government job too. Back then, it felt like my own choice. But was it really? Or was it just the invisible influence of societal conditioning that we accepted without ever questioning?
I suppose this doesn’t just happen to me. It probably happens to all of us in one way or another. Many of the biggest decisions in our lives—what to study, what career to pursue, which path to walk—aren’t entirely our own. Somewhere behind them, there is always an influence at work.
Have you ever asked yourself whether your decisions are genuinely yours, or simply the result of someone else’s thoughts, expectations, or experiences?
We always like to believe we are free. But are we really?
Imagine two children. One grows up in an environment where they are told from day one what to study, what to do, and that a government job is the ultimate future. The other grows up in an atmosphere where they are told—”You can study whatever you wish, you can become whatever you want to be.”
When both grow up, how different will their decision-making process be?
The real question is: Did either of them truly make their own choice? Or did their environment pave the road long before they even stepped on it?
And this is just one example. Often, our choices are dictated by our fears. Experiencing failure once plants a deep-seated fear before we ever make a choice again. Our experiences, our past, and the beliefs deeply rooted in our minds all shape and steer our decisions.
We feel like we made the choice, but often, our mindset was shaped by someone else long before we even made it.
When a child is born, they carry no religion, no social identity. Gradually, they are taught what is right and what is wrong. Who to respect, and who to fear. Who is family, and who is an outsider.
Over time, these lessons settle so deeply inside us that we begin to think—”This is my own perspective.”
But is it really?
So then, what is an independent decision?
Perhaps an independent decision isn’t just about having no external restrictions. It’s about the ability to first recognize where a thought in our mind actually came from. Why am I thinking this way? Is what I want to do truly my own desire? Or am I simply repeating what I have learned or been taught over the years?
I feel that the hardest decision in life isn’t choosing a career, getting married, or building a home.
The hardest decision is figuring out whether the thoughts in our minds belong to us, or if they are just borrowed beliefs.
The day we learn to tell the difference is perhaps the day we truly start making choices for ourselves.
And in the end, I want to leave you with just one question—
The most important decision you made today… was it genuinely your own? Or was someone else’s voice speaking from within you?